


Teenage Drama

by FoxOfTheDeep



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson, Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Anxiety, Artist Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), Bathrooms, Bisexual Evan Hansen, Bisexual Jared Kleinman, Bisexual Jeremy Heere, Bisexual Veronica Sawyer, Bisexual Zoe Murphy, Concerts, Connor Deserves Happiness, Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen) Deserves Better, Cuts, Cutting, Cythia tries, Denial of Feelings, Drug Use, Emo, Emotional Baggage, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, F/M, Feelings, First Kiss, Fluff, Gay, Gay Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), Gay Michael Mell, Homophobic Language, Homophobic Slurs, Insecure Jared Kleinman, Jared Kleinman Angst, Jared Kleinman Eats Bath Bombs, Jared Kleinman Is Bad at Feelings, Jared Kleinman Needs Love, Larry Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen) Is a Bad Parent, Lesbian, Lesbian Alana Beck, M/M, Mentions of Atheism, Michael Mell Has Two Moms, Musicals, My Chemical Romance Concert, My Chemical Romance References, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Alternating, POV Third Person, Panic! at the Disco References, Pre-Split My Chemical Romance, Pre-Split Panic! at the Disco, Psychological Trauma, Recreational Drug Use, References to Depression, Romance, Sad Michael, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Seperation Anxiety, Suicide, Suicide attemps (mentioned), Swearing, The Author Regrets Nothing, Therapy, This Is STUPID, Trans Jared Kleinman, Trauma, Tumblr, Twenty one pilots references, Twitter, a lot of sadness, anger issues, bisexual JD, crossover fic, eventual healthy sibling relationship, insecure, mosh pit, seriously this timeline is weird, slow burn boyf riends, slow burn tree bros, straight - Freeform, suicide attemps, transphobic language, tumblr heaven, twenty one pilots (mentioned) - Freeform, weird timeline
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-09-25 19:34:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17127428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FoxOfTheDeep/pseuds/FoxOfTheDeep
Summary: The most drama-filled high school ever. Connor is suicidal. Michael Doesn't understand. JD wishes he could start over. Suicide, Self-harm, and angst are only the tip of the iceberg.I suck at summaries so bear with me.





	1. Another sucky day

**Author's Note:**

> Here we go. This fic will be long and slow burn, so be prepared for all sorts of angst. If you have EVER visited the musical tag on tumblr, you will know what's up.

He woke up to his mom taking off his blanket. He curled in on himself slightly.

"Connor, honey, I need you to wake up. We wouldn't want to be late, would we?" Cynthia gave an emotionless smile. She tried, sure, but she was still just...eh. She started trying harder after he attempted suicide last year. Good for her. 

Connor simply looked up at her. Cynthia's smile seemed to falter slightly. "Come down for breakfast when you're ready. Before 8:00 please." Connor groaned, but Cynthia left the room.

After 10 minutes or so, he sat up. He had slept in his hoodie. It was slightly uncomfortable, but at least it hid his cuts. He sighed. He reached for his drawer and pulled out a cigarette. He closed the door, opened the window, and light it. He stood staring out the window, just kind of letting his thoughts wander.

He thought about himself, mostly. But sometimes he'd think about Zoe. Was their early friendship just...gone? Connor never made any attempts anymore to get close to her. Quite the contrary. He was always trying to get under her skin. It made him sort of happy in some sick way. 

He hated it.

What did Zoe think about him? Was he this big menace or just this little annoyance? Did Zoe Care about him? He supposed not. He'd threatened her more than enough.

He sighed.

After a while he put out his cigarette and threw it out the window. He tried to smooth his hair out. It was almost constantly tangled, but he didn't care enough to brush through it. 

He left his room and went to the bathroom. Connor looked at his face in the mirror. His eyes were tinted pink, he had bags under his eyes, and his mouth was molded into a permanent scowl. He put in some black studs and went downstairs.

He saw Larry and Cynthia at opposite ends of the table. Their marriage had never really been in the best state, but there was a tense atmosphere at the table. Connor could tell. They weren't meeting each other's eyes.

Connor strolled to the fridge, Each of his footsteps leaving an echo on the hardwood floor. He opened the fridge and took out a carton of milk. He drank it, not caring to get a glass. 

"That's gross, Connor!" Zoe so very helpfully contributed.

He stopped for a second, looked at her, and said, "Mhm. Very astute observation, Sherlock." Zoe furrowed her eyebrows.

After a very uncomfortable 5 minutes, Cynthia looked up and said, "How is everyone feeling about school?"

Connor supplied no response. Neither did Zoe. Cynthia faltered before saying, "Come on, you two, show a little more enthusiasm, would ya?"

Connor groaned and threw away the now empty carton of milk. He walked over to his couch and sat down, pulling out his phone. 

He had two new likes on Twitter, both on a picture of one of his recent Frerard sketches with the caption "Drew this shit in math class". 

He scrolled through his feed. MCR and Panic! were both on tour. He could sneak out and see them if they were close enough. He checked the concert locations. It would be about a 30 mile drive to each of them, but they were on different nights. 

He went to Tumblr, the edgiest of the internet.   
Someone commented on the same sketch with, "This is so good! Do you do commissions? :D" 

He replied saying, "I cn open em up. What'd u have in mind?" He waited for a response.

After a few minutes, he heard Zoe calling him, "Connor, we've gotta go!" 

He groaned and stood up. As he was walking outside, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. It was a message from the commentor

"gtg but I'll DM you and tell you when I come back!" He replied, "cool" and got into the passenger's seat of Zoe's car. 

He wasn't allowed to use his ever since his attempt, which he thought was stupid. He wasn't just going to drive off a bridge at every chance he got. No matter how much he wanted to. Zoe got in and put on her seatbelt. 

She looked at Connor warily. He looked back and said, "I don't need a seatbelt. Hurry the fuck up."  
"But-"   
"Fucking GO already!"

Zoe pouted and pulled out of the driveway. He put in his headphones and listened to 'Helena (So Long and Goodnight). One of his favorite songs ever since his grandmother died. 

After a few minutes, they arrived at school. He was prepared for a shitty day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to mention that it was the first day of school. Sorry!


	2. A New...Friend?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor has a run-in with a certain Heather, and it turns out they have more in common than either of them would've thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for waiting on this chapter! This is going to be longer than the last one, so sit tight!
> 
> Special thanks to the amazing https://mobile.twitter.com/springrosepml?p=s on Twitter for helping me with this idea!
> 
> Without further adieu, let's get into it.

After Connor took out his headphones and got out of the car, Zoe pulled out and drove around to the front of the school. Figures. She didn't want to be seen with him. He expected nothing less from the one and only Zoe Murphy. Whatever.

Walking up to the building, he saw students all around try to casually avoid him. It wasn't casual. He had almost opened the doors when he heard voices behind him. "I am so DONE with you, Heather!" "Sorry, Heather!" It was them. The peppy and preppy girls of high school. He looked in the glass of the door window and saw that the third Heather...what was her name...McNamara? Wasn't talking, or making eye contact. He'd've thought nothing of it, but he saw how the other Heathers acted. It made him tired just looking at them. 

After a few seconds of standing there, he heard them talk again. "Heather, what's wrong with you?" Her head snapped up "N-nothing. I'm going...to the bathroom. Connor quickly went into the corridor to stay out of her way and pretended not to be facing her direction. Instead of heading for the bathrooms, she turned left, glanced around, and slipped into the supply closet.

Oh no.  
Was she..?  
He turned and headed towards the closet door. 

He shook the handle. It was locked. Fuck. He frantically searched his pockets for a pick, a bobby pin, SOMETHING. Then, after what felt like an eternity, he found an old paper clip. He bent it and clumsily stuffed it into the lock. The door opened. McNamara looked up. On her face was an expression of pure terror. She was crying, backed up against the wall. By her side was a note, and in her hand, an orange pill bottle.

Staring at this scene laid out before him was so painful. He stepped into the closet and quietly closed the door. She started crying harder, and began gripping at the top of the bottle. He slowly bent down so that one of his knees was touching the ground. After 5 seconds, McNamara practically wispered, "Suicide's a private thing." Connor felt overwhelmed by an onslaught of noise in the silent supply closet.

In that moment, he said words he'd never expected to come out of his mouth, but this just didn't feel right. Connor was taught to value life. Ironic given his multiple attempts, but HE should be the one dying, not Heather. Heather, who was popular, and pretty, and...and...herself. So he said, "Don't do it."

She looked as surprised as he felt, but he refused to take his words back. A tear rolled down her cheek. She whispered, "Why not? Why shouldn't I? I know you know how I feel. Everyone uses me. I just..." She started choking on sobs. "Because..." Connor was at a loss for answers. He didn't know Heather. But he had to try. He said the first thing that came to his mind. "I want to be your friend, Heather." She flinched. Fuck. This was a bad idea. What the fuck kind of talk-down is "I want to be your friend?" And why would it stop Heather? It sure as hell wouldn't stop him!

Still, Heather made eye contact with him and said, "Really?" As truthfully as he could, he replied. "Really." She smiled a sad smile, and then... she hugged him. Connor tensed. He wasn't used to physical contact, and under most circumstances it was unwelcomed, but this time...he hugged back.

After a while, he heard the bell ring. He felt her silently crying against his shoulder. He wanted to do the same, but he couldn't. Not in this moment, when Heather needed support. She slowly broke away and took out a tissue to clean her face. Connor took a notebook out of his satchel and wrote down his phone number before handing it to Heather. She cautiously took the paper. After a moment, she asked, "What am I going to do with this?" and held up the pill bottle. Connor respended, "Give them to me. I'll put them in my bag." She looked anxious. He realized how that sounded, and clarified. "I won't use them. I promise." She handed them over and picked up her note, stuffing it in her overcoat pocket.

"Thank you." She opened the door and walked out. Connor soon followed. They headed their seperate ways, and went into class. Connor was proud.

He made a new friend.


	3. Jeremy?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael wants to talk to Jeremy. Jeremy doesn't seem to want to talk to Michael. What's happening?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter Will be from the perspective of Michael Mell if you couldn't tell already.
> 
> TW: This chapter will contain actions, conversations, and thoughts dealing with anxiety, depression, and meds. (Separation anxiety specifically)
> 
> Let's go.

Michael awoke to his mom 'numero uno' coming into his room. On her face was...apprehension...or worry...or something. He wasn't the best at reading people.

"Hey, sport. How are you doing?" Michael groaned in response.

"You need to start waking up earlier. We've talked about this."

"I-" he yawned, "I know mom. I'm sorry." Sorry for being such a burden on his moms' lives. Ugh. It gave him a headache.

"Don't be, Mijo. On another note, we're getting you some new meds!" Michael had been off meds for a year after they changed his personality drastically. He couldn't get new ones either, because they'd been kicked out of their apartment as a result of Michael being caught smoking weed by the landlady. Not only did they have to stay at Jeremy's house for months, but his moms had to find a new home, while also working jobs to keep them financially stable.

Michael managed to muster up a hearty "Cool."

"Now, come downstairs please. Jessie and I want to talk. It's nothing serious, but we think it would...help a bit."

His mom left, and after a few more minutes, he went downstairs. He looked around at the new apartment. It wasn't much, that's for sure...but it was nice.

Mom number two started off. Upon thinking about it...Michael was pretty sure that Jessie was mom number two because she was the one being proposed to. Anyway, she started talking.

"There you are. So...we think that it would be good for you to have some friends besides Jeremy. Expand your horizons. If you don't, that's alright Michael, but we and the doctors have been talking. They believe that having more friends will make you happier. It's not a cure, of course, but...whaddya say kiddo? Gonna try to make some new friends today?"

Michael's stomach did a flop. What? Friends besides Jeremy? But...he couldn't...Jeremy would think he was trying to abandon him or that he didn't care anymore or that he didn't want to be friends anymore but hewouldn'tbeabletoexplainbecau- 

"Honey, it's fine. You don't have to. It was just a suggestion. Breathe." Michael tried, but his throat felt tight. He felt like the world was changing around him. It was illogical, he knew, but it was too much too much too much.

Next thing he knew, he was sitting on the floor with his moms desperately trying to comfort him. He was weak. He knew it. But he couldn't do anything about it. He was crying, and that was weak. He wanted to die. That was weak. How many people have it worse than him? They're sticking through it, so why can't he? Stupidstupidstupidstupid. He wanted to just evaporate. His eyelids felt heavy. He didn't want to move. He just wanted to stay right there and disappear.

After a few more minutes, he was calm enough to stand up and get a glass of water. Michael just had a panic attack over the possibility of meeting people besides Jeremy. What was wrong with him? It was stupid.

After he finished his water, he went up to the bathroom to wash his face. He caught sight of the mirror. The mirror he never wanted to see again. He hated seeing himself. But he saw anyway. His eyes were pink from crying. His cheeks were streaked with tear marks. His hair was sticking up in all directions. He wanted to vomit. 

He cleaned himself up and went downstairs, heading out to his car. He was an alright driver. He went over the speed limit sometimes...but only sometimes. 

On the drive to school, Michael had time to think. Did he really want to die? Or did he just want to sort of...disappear? He didn't want to go through the pain of dying. He also didn't really care enough to do it. He couldn't find the motivation in himself. Whatever.

He got to school.

Instinctively, the first thing he did was look for Jeremy. Eventually, he found him in the hall. After walking past Connor-Fucking-Murphy that is. He made it past safely, and found Jeremy in the halls.

"Hey Jer, how's it-" Jeremy walked right past him. It was like he didn't exist. He just...

This wasn't right. Why did...

What?

Reluctantly, he sat through his class. They class Jeremy was in. Jeremy did NOTHING to acknowledge his presence. But it was fine. It was class.

He went to his next few classes. Nothing. Why?

The same thing happened after English. He stopped by Jeremy's locker. Jeremy just ignored him. Didn't even look. At lunch, he sat with Brooke and Chloe. Brooke and Chloe. Instead of him. Why did he...

All at once, questions flooded Michael's head.

Did he do something wrong?

Jeremy just have been ignoring him on purpose.

Were Jeremy and his moms all in on something?

They must have been.

Jeremy hated him.

Jeremy didn't want to see him.

Jeremy was disgusted by him.

Jeremy knew.

He knew.

He knew.

He knew.

He knew.

He knew and he hated it.

He knew and he despised it.

He knew and he wished Michael never existed.

Michael was crying at the lunch table. 

It was all his fault.

He should never have been born.

stopitstopitstopitstopitstopitstopitSTOPIT 

It was always his fault. 

His moms wouldn't have to worry so much if it weren't for him.

Others wouldn't have to waste their precious time if it weren't for him.

If he just died- 

Michael shot up, aware of all the concerned eyes burning into him.  
He rushed to the bathroom.  
He went into a stall.  
He turned on his Bob Marley.  
His music wasn't helping.  
He scrolled through his recommended.  
"Two" by Twenty Øne Piløts.  
He clicked.  
He listened.

He listened.

He listened.

He listened and he calmed down.

He listened and he felt better.

He listened and it was all fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Michael Mell being gay as well as having two mothers is not a causal relationship; nor is it meant to promote harmful stereotypes about female couples raising children. It is simply coincidence.
> 
> If you enjoyed, please do leave kudos. What's more, I appreciate every comment and thrive on criticism and critique, so don't hesitate to leave an opinion of any kind.
> 
> That's all for now, and thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed, please comment any ideas for future chapters. I also listen to criticism and try to respond to every comment I get.
> 
>  
> 
> Follow me on Twitter for daily tweets https://twitter.com/FoxCub11
> 
>  
> 
> That's all for now, and thanks for reading.


End file.
